Today had a lot of mistakes. Mess ups in clinical rotation, a broken front door, and really gross peanut butter cookies were some of them. When this happens I want to be around people who make me feel awesome. Preferably they do this by saying something like, “Erin, you are awesome.” So I was happy that I already had an invite to ex-roommate and husband’s house. They love me! They are two of the greatest people I know and, bonus, they think I’m cool too. I had a wonderful time and Karisa and Shaun combined super powers to make an incredible dinner all cooked on the grill.
But, today I thought about my need for people. I LOVE people. But sometimes I need them too much. I realized this anew when I pulled into the grocery store parking lot and finished a text message in the car. Then I walked into the grocery store and responded to a text message on my way to the refrigerator where they keep the milk. Then I looked up and realized something: I was totally missing out on the dairy aisle experience. It’s not a big deal really. It’s just the half’n’half and whipped cream and milk in several different variations of lactose. But I wasn’t fully present in this moment by myself. I have a larger theory on the dulling of our imaginations and the curbing of creative thought processes by text and twitter but I’ll save it. My point today is that I don’t want to miss the times that I am alone, doing life, and possibly getting opportunities to do brave things.
I’m hoping, and I am fairly certain, that this will not be limited to enjoying the dairy aisle. I’m pretty sure that if I allow myself space for alone time, time when I am not trying to please anyone or figure anyone out or resolve conflicts or plan a party, that I will see some great things.
But you can still tell me I am awesome.