Everything’s gon’ be alright.

As I have mentioned before, my mom was a prophetic voice to many. Her spiritual fingerprints are all over the thriving church on the water. She was a modern missionary to this place and her blood, sweat, and tears were not in vain. There is goodness going on because of her. But she had many voices to me. This week I have missed them more than I can describe. I have missed her singing voice, her snort-laughing voice, her encouraging and complimenting voice, and even her you-better-straighten-up-right-this-second voice. That last one was usually accompanied by The Neck Stretch. Side to side. Slowly. Scary.

I have missed her prophetic voice. It was special. I’m not sure if I ever realized how incredibly blessed I was that my mom listened to God on my behalf. This week I’ve been reading and praying and freaking out and trusting and trying to hold normalcy together as each day brings something else new that is only happening because she’s not here. And the only thing that helped in these type of crazy days gone by is Mom holding my hand and shaking it until I looked at her and stopped the stupid crying. And she would say something. Something profound or comforting or corrective or totally off base and I would get mad. Because let’s get real, she wasn’t perfect. But it would still help because she was praying for me and listening to God. For me.

Yesterday was bad. I was cranky pants to everyone who looked at me. I even called Police Dispatch on the idiot doing, I kid you not, 95mph, down our street. Yes, I used my radar gun. Why? Because I was Captain Cranky Pants. After a full day of trying to keep my wrath to myself, I started taking it out on my unpacked room. I finally got things looking livable. Which means I organized my jewelry and displayed some Martha Stewart Living magazines on the side table. Lastly, I stacked my old journals and a letter fell out. Yes, just like the movies. And it was from my mom.

Are you crying yet?!

It was a letter she had written on New Year’s Eve, heading into 2011. She listened to God for me. She told me I would feel overwhelmed by 2011. That it was “looming large”.  She said all I needed was to draw near to the Lord. He knew my anxieties and my fears and he had it all under control. It ended with..”Relax, my darling. Everything gon’ be alright.” She knew me, she knew my God, and he was speaking about things to come. She also knew God would speak southern to me. So I cried my crankiness out and then decided that, yes, everything IS gon’ be alright. Not today, and probably not tomorrow but eventually. The cares of my heart have been many, but God’s consolations have cheered my soul (Psalm 94:19) . Especially consolations in southern accents and Mom’s handwriting.

 

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13 thoughts on “Everything’s gon’ be alright.

  1. Heather del carmen says:

    Erin…. How beautiful!! I have kind of felt like I’ve been falling apart lately (like this new found freedom is cause for laziness!) and think about, and see my mom, in everything. While trying to read patho I try to understand her condition better, but most of all, I just miss saying, “mom.”. I feel especially overwhelmed when I realize I can no longer call her to tell her about my day or ask how hers was. I miss her more today than I did 5 months ago.
    I have had major cranky days myself since her passing and I thought it was just me, but thanks to your blog I realized what I may be feeling is perfectly normal. Thanks Erin, for sharing, and thanks to God and your mom for giving you your voice. Take care sweet sister!

  2. Callie says:

    Yes, i’m crying yet. That’s so totally awesome. For you. I admit my own weakness in being totally jealous. I would love to find a letter from my dad to me buried somewhere. I would love to see that he had listened to God for me, even though he didn’t even really understand who the Holy Spirit is until a couple of weeks before the accident – but even if not that profound i’d still love something from him. What you found was truly truly special, and i’m glad you appreciate it as such. And i really am happy for you, through my pouring tears 🙂 love you capt cranky pants. (i still get in that place from time to time too)

  3. eb does life says:

    Oh Callie, you have no idea how much I want to find unread letters. Isn’t it funny that I guess it is a common desire? I keep praying to find “a letter for Erin on fill-in-the-blank-special-day”. God will be faithful to fill that need for us. Love you too!!

  4. Oh Erin, I felt welling up within me a sense of love and longing as your words give depth and touch to a lovely little narrative. I thought not only of your mother, but also two more women: Rachal and my own mother. My mother just passed away a few months ago, but we hadn’t spoken since 1993. Sadly, I have little to say about it. Which quickly led me to think about how Rachal is already reflecting the godly motherhood of your mom. Thats a warm thought, knowing that things do change and people can be incredible and you see their influence, even post humous. Like your mom was, I feel Rachal will be to our little girl. Gosh, I am so happy to have a little girl. I’m glad you wrote this and shared, it really is beautiful.

  5. Megan says:

    I have tears too. What a reminder of just how personal our God is. He knew you needed that letter right then, and sent it to you. So precious.

  6. Erin,

    How amazing is our God that just at the precise moment that we are at our wits end and life is on the edge of insanity He does something so utterly marvelous and wonderful (miraculous) that brings us back from our hopeless state into His reality. Hugs to you

  7. John Allison says:

    Wow… That is like a movie. And so prophetic. God plans even the timing of a letter falling out of a book. This kind of thing happens every once in a while to me too, and it always comes at the exact moment I need it. Praying for you and the family.

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