Tag Archives: nurses

Stop Crying and Run

There are exactly seven days between me and the Family Nurse Practitioner board exam and I can honestly say I have never been more nervous about a test in my life. It’s been a gradual onset of anxiety. Call it insidious if you like. I’ve taken a fair few standardized tests in my day without wanting to throw up. I do pretty well on tests. I even sort of like studying. This one has been different. Studying for this one has made me want to puke on an at least daily basis for two weeks now. I think it has something to do with the fact that our cross-country move hinges on my ability to answer 150 clinical questions. 150 giant questions that stand on a hill mocking me, like some computerized Goliath. Today, instead of just feeling a little sick, I kicked it up a notch and broke down crying. That’s right. A nauseated, ugly cry fest on the back porch. I stopped snuffling just long enough to call my husband at work because he loves when I call him at work for him to fix my problems.

Roger: “Hey babe, how you doing?”Me: [bravely] “Well, actually…not that great. [un-bravely] I just failed a practice exam and I’m afraaaaaaid and I’m paaaanicking and I’m cryyyyyyyying and this is the woooooorst feeeeeling ever. Ever. EVER.”
Roger: [kindly] “Let me pray for you….[awesome prayer]….”
Me: Snuffle snuffle snuuuuuuuufffle
Roger: Stop crying and go running. NOW.
Me: Snuuff-
Roger: NOW.

At which point I decided my husband didn’t know what I was dealing with and a run wouldn’t make me know everything and solve all my problems. But whatever. I’ll go because the alternative is to break things or crawl in bed and cry till my eyes swell shut. So I ran. And ran. And didn’t stop until my legs felt like they’d fall off. It only took about a mile to realize my husband is BRILLIANT. And about two miles to remember how good my God is and how much he loves me. Around three miles I wanted to lay down on the sidewalk but then remembered how I am supposed to be strong and courageous. I remembered that God did not give me a spirit of fear or timidity. He has given me power and peace and joy. He has not brought me this far to leave me puking and crying on the back porch.

I ran for an hour and returned home ready to kick some giant exam butt. Our future absolutely does not hinge on my ability to answer 150 questions. It hinges on a God who is big and good and has an awesome calling on my life. If I truly believe that, then I can fight this Goliath with my bare hands and a sling shot. My God has come through in every other fight I’ve been in. If he helped me slay those lions and bears then he’s got this one covered too. If you’re crying on the back porch today, stop it. Go do whatever you gotta do to get your head on straight and remember who the heck you are.

And go kick some Goliath butt.


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I am two weeks away from being 29. I am taking stock of the year a little earlier than usual. I will go ahead and get the obvious out of the way – saddest year yet. But in the midst of it, I have been given grace, joy, comfort, and even straight up happy times.

28 is a great age. When you are single and you tell people you are 28, they will often say “Wow, what a great time of life. Enjoy it. You have PLENTY of time for marriage and family.” Which basically means they think you have two years. I’ve loved being 28.

At 28, I became a nurse and began the process of becoming a nurse practitioner. I got a killer scholarship and lots of help in finding a job when I graduate. I collected a small storage-unit full of non-particle board furniture and adulty things like throw rugs and dishes I actually want to keep.

I owned these for a year before noticing them on the wall of Claire's kitchen in Modern Family. My plates are famous.

At 28, I learned to run for a long time without throwing up, how to cook with a dutch oven, and how to throw a party with Goodwill items only. I learned how to save lives, how to not cry when I really want to, and how to be polite when I really don’t want to. I learned how to swim long distances in the ocean and that cars really do need regular oil changes. I also learned that my AT&T roadside assistance really works.

At 28, I was surprised by a proposal from a good friend with a good ring, tried to say yes and had to say no.  At 28 I realized that I’m a much nicer person when I eat and sleep on time, that I can’t stay awake for late-night movies, and that being afraid of things is a waste of time. I also started dating a man named Andy who should feature more in my blog once we actually live on the same island.

At 28, I spent the last terribly wonderful times with my mom and then said goodbye. I’m pretty confident that 29 will be better than 28 because so far every year has been better than the last. Harder. But better. Onward and upward! Bravely!

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