I have my study all set up in the Ohana garage apartment. It’s comfortable and conducive to taking practice NCLEX exams. Apparently it is too comfortable because I started Diagnostic Test 1 with an above average score and by Test 4, I had plunged to well below average. About the time I viewed my miserable results yesterday afternoon, I began to feel a lone mosquito buzzing around and feasting on my calves. Now when a lone bug gets into the ohana unit, it’s really got nowhere to go. And my porky terrier makes it his doggone mission to get that bug. Jasper and I made 15 minutes of valiant bug smacking attempts before I decided that not only can I not pass a practice version of How To Start My Nursing Career, I can’t even smack a bug. A bug sluggish from a calf feast. So I slammed the door shut on everything unsuccessful and went to buy something. Anything. At least I can be successful at Ross. Turns out I needed some really pretty lemon handsoap for the bathroom.
This morning I woke up feeling moderately more capable. I spent some time with Jesus and felt even better. Psalm 130 told me to wait for the Lord with my whole being…as a watchman waits for the morning. I can do that because I have seen it work before. When life is completely out of control and I can’t do anything else, I can wait. Morning does come. My prayers are pretty simple these days: God please help. With everything. Amen. Well, I try to be more specific. But that is the basic theme and I don’t feel guilty. A friend told me a few weeks ago that he had trouble praying for himself. It felt selfish. People, we gotta get over that one. If we can’t pray for ourselves, we aren’t going to be much good at praying for others. That’s my preach for today.
So, I marched back into the study today, heard that freaking bug and didn’t sit down till I squashed him dead. He was quick today after being starved out all night.
But Jasper and I were quicker.
The porky terrier doesn’t rest until I show him the insect carcass.
He is now sleeping the peaceful sleep of a victory won. And I am fixing to hit the books. Success will be mine because I am waiting for the Lord. I am giving him my family and their grief, my friends and their problems, my hopes and dreams, and my fears and failures. Life is out of my control but firmly in God’s control.
In the meantime I will buy household goods and squash practice exams.