As I have mentioned before, my mom was a prophetic voice to many. Her spiritual fingerprints are all over the thriving church on the water. She was a modern missionary to this place and her blood, sweat, and tears were not in vain. There is goodness going on because of her. But she had many voices to me. This week I have missed them more than I can describe. I have missed her singing voice, her snort-laughing voice, her encouraging and complimenting voice, and even her you-better-straighten-up-right-this-second voice. That last one was usually accompanied by The Neck Stretch. Side to side. Slowly. Scary.
I have missed her prophetic voice. It was special. I’m not sure if I ever realized how incredibly blessed I was that my mom listened to God on my behalf. This week I’ve been reading and praying and freaking out and trusting and trying to hold normalcy together as each day brings something else new that is only happening because she’s not here. And the only thing that helped in these type of crazy days gone by is Mom holding my hand and shaking it until I looked at her and stopped the stupid crying. And she would say something. Something profound or comforting or corrective or totally off base and I would get mad. Because let’s get real, she wasn’t perfect. But it would still help because she was praying for me and listening to God. For me.
Yesterday was bad. I was cranky pants to everyone who looked at me. I even called Police Dispatch on the idiot doing, I kid you not, 95mph, down our street. Yes, I used my radar gun. Why? Because I was Captain Cranky Pants. After a full day of trying to keep my wrath to myself, I started taking it out on my unpacked room. I finally got things looking livable. Which means I organized my jewelry and displayed some Martha Stewart Living magazines on the side table. Lastly, I stacked my old journals and a letter fell out. Yes, just like the movies. And it was from my mom.
Are you crying yet?!
It was a letter she had written on New Year’s Eve, heading into 2011. She listened to God for me. She told me I would feel overwhelmed by 2011. That it was “looming large”. She said all I needed was to draw near to the Lord. He knew my anxieties and my fears and he had it all under control. It ended with..”Relax, my darling. Everything gon’ be alright.” She knew me, she knew my God, and he was speaking about things to come. She also knew God would speak southern to me. So I cried my crankiness out and then decided that, yes, everything IS gon’ be alright. Not today, and probably not tomorrow but eventually. The cares of my heart have been many, but God’s consolations have cheered my soul (Psalm 94:19) . Especially consolations in southern accents and Mom’s handwriting.